What My Faith Means To Me
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Since young, many life situations and encounters have troubled me. Situations like financial worries, family illness, job pursuits, getting married and having children have made me continuously turn to God in faith and rely on Him. Faith in God is not only comforting, but is the assurance of what we hope for and substance of what we cannot see.
I recalled that during my ‘O’ level and especially ‘A’ level days, money was short. My mum’s sickness and my family’s financial worries paralysed me but the anxiety also helped me turn to God.
My family had been faced with my mum’s ill health and my dad’s unstable income since we were in primary school. One day, my dad mentioned that he could not afford to send me to university. While I tried to sweep the remark aside, I was profoundly affected by it as it caused me to avoid studying. From primary school through secondary school, I would actively pursue games and as if it was not enough, I would add further non-academic activities into my days. When my academic results suffered, I would swing to the other end of the pendulum by dropping whatever games I was playing for a month to compensate and begin studying. Then when I attained good results I would forget about my studies and go back to playing hard in the various games I was involved in.
It was in my pre-university days that a friend with whom I played sports invited me to church and I was introduced to the Bible. After some time I became a Christian. The extremist in me plunged himself in all the church activities to the extent that I dropped all games I used to play and served in the activities of the church. This ‘yo-yo’ behaviour finally took its toll. It cost me my ‘A’ level results. But, the encouragement and support I received from God’s church and His providence saw me through those dark years despite my escapist tendencies and financial worries.Concern came in the form of kindly advice from Henry to focus on my ‘A’ level studies but sadly, I ignored it. During my examination preparations, I did seek God, but I had to pay the price for not studying. Help came in the form of money miraculously provided by Nat to pay school fees so I could continue to go to school. Up to this day I still do not know how she knew of my financial situation because I hardly spoke about my financial difficulties except to pour all my energy into church work. All in all I was very appreciative of God and His church because I did receive attention and help from various ones.On hindsight the extremism in my job and my escapism permeated my marriage and family life. However, I can see God’s patience working in my life and Him patiently waiting for me to turn around. Because of the fear in me, I clung onto my God and found comfort many times in these words:Romans 8:28 ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’. Today, I stand witness to being a specimen of God’s marvelous work in strengthening me in all my weaknesses and circumstances.
How I Came To Christ
My spiritual journey can be broken into several stages:
My mum and my Chinese Language teacher had a strong influence on me in my childhood days. Since I was a young boy, my mum brought me to temples frequently. I remember I used to help her clean the altar and polish the ash urn before each lunar new year. She taught me what good practices her god expected and what punishment her god would inflict on evildoers. The concept of the world of spirits and ghosts amazed and yet frightened me.
The second person who had an influence on me regarding morality was my Chinese Language teacher, Mr. Chua. His beliefs were based on the teachings of Confucius and Mencius, concerning how one should conduct oneself responsibly in all aspects of life. My classmates and I counted ourselves fortunate to have been able to spend five years of our primary school life learning and playing with him. Besides coaching some of us for the inter-school volleyball championships, he taught us good sportsmanship. I picked up gymnastics and the Chinese flute from him. My respect for Mr. Chua also made me love the Chinese Language. I began to read more Chinese books and also became curious as I stumbled onto books regarding the world of martial arts, secret society and their heroes who fought for the underdogs. I was also curious about the spiritual world as understood by the Chinese and lapped up a lot of books on this subject matter.
My world was filled with heroic stories of the underdogs in Chinese Society and ghost stories in the spiritual realm; I was attracted to people who were involved in such activities. The other side of me was tempered by what was being taught by my mum and Mr. Chua. Because I had learnt what is right and wrong early in my childhood, I did not enjoy doing some of the things with my friends whom I hung out with (some of them belonged to secret societies) during my teen years. My teen life was not a happy one. It is likely that my inclination towards the spiritual world drove me to search for God in my late adolescent years.My conversion took place when Vincent Tan, a friend and frequent sparring mate at the community centre field, reached out to me and studied the Bible with me. After much study, I disappeared for a month to reflect on my lifestyle, my beliefs and the Christian faith. I responded to the good news of Jesus Christ even though I still could not fully grasp the concept of Jesus as the Son of God.
While I was growing up as a child of God, the susceptible me idolized certain brethren who had the gift of preaching. People like Kok Seng and David Yee were my heroes (you must not forget that I liked heroes). When they were absent from church, I felt empty and lost. During one period of uncertainty at church, at work and in my personal life, I searched the Bible and self- help books, even the Chinese ‘Book of Change’. At the end of my search, I concluded that we Christians have a God who can and will deliver us and I had no reason to search elsewhere for life’s answers.
The years of studying the Bible and sharing with others helped me grasp the meaning of God’s grace and love, and that Jesus is the Son of God and Lord of my life.
How My Faith Has Changed Me
First, my faith has helped me discover my identity, who I am and what on earth I am doing here. I did not understand myself at times. It was my unhappiness; I was not satisfied simply to go through life’s struggles, failures and triumphs on an emotional roller coaster ride and filled with doubts. I want to trust that God is in charge and indeed all things will work together for good for those who love Him.Second, my faith provided me a second chance, if not countless second chances. As you know, my insurance and financial service business had given me a breakthrough in my career. With it, I have attained some financial success. But, the lowest spiritual point of my life was also in those earlier years of success. I struggled with peer pressure to indulging in car and club membership purchases. In order to keep up with the so-called image of my business, I committed to such big-ticket purchases. Ironically, I suffered financially despite being in the financial profession myself. I should have known better, but I did not. Obviously, my financial burdens led to a lot of traps and worries which grossly affected my faith in God. As a result I worked even harder, spending many long days and nights away from home. When I was at home on weekends, I would try to catch up on my sleep. My wife would bring Chen Yi, then a toddler, for long walks in the estate so that I would not be disturbed by his playing or cries. This went on for a few years even as my second child arrived, until a turning point came. According to my wife, she noticed a change in me after I had attended the Men’s Retreat, ‘No More Excuses’. She thought the Men’s Retreat was great when I began to assume spiritual responsibility. I started to have family devotions and spent more time with her and the family.
Third, my faith grew when my career took a tumble in the last seven years or so. I faced a lot of problems in the office. However, God continued to provide and protect as I leaned on Him more each day. I began devoting more time to church life and found great joy in His kingdom. I am not suggesting that we have to have it bad before we change, but it was so for me. God used me in many areas of the church. Armed with a ‘kay poh’ nature, I volunteered to oversee the Junior Bible Classes and the youth ministry. Now that the church at Pasir Panjang have entrusted me to serve as an elder, I believe I have grown in many ways and am stronger at work, at home and in the church because of your patience and your love for me. You trusted me to try all kinds of projects in the church from children’s concerts to youth dramas. You were supportive even when I needed your help at the last minute. I believe God is preparing me for the next phase of my life. I don’t know what that will be, but I am assured that our never changing God will reveal to us things that we cannot even imagine.
Last but not least, one-on-one sharing has been a joy in my life. I am thankful that the Lord has used me to share the gospel with our visitors and youths and it thrills me each time someone responds to the gospel call. Sharing the good news also continuously reminds me of who God is and His marvelous plan for us.
How I Found My Place In The Body Of Christ
Immediately after my conversion and for years after that, Henry brought me under his training. The day I was baptized, Henry approached me to help in the maintenance work and personal work. I was enthusiastic about these areas of service. Unknowingly, I was placed in a work that, over the next seven years, would train me in persistence and how to handle people. Ironically, I was known to be a quiet person, even snobbish because I did not relate to many people. I hardly attended any youth fellowship activity except to work and work on building maintenance, sharing the gospel with my friends and knocking on doors to invite people to church.
Later I began to understand the importance of relating with and loving one another as a child of God when I got involved in the church leadership work after being prompted by Nat to serve in that area. Leadership work can be discouraging and at times wearisome. After a short time, those who were involved in the leadership work were facing serious problems and personal struggles. At that time, I told myself and my fellow leaders that we must not lose sight of who and what we are working for, which is God and His kingdom. What made me say that? I must attribute this to the example of Henry. Throughout his ministry, I noticed that he never credits anything to himself, except Jesus and His church, and I never forget that. Later, my involvement with the youth brought real joy. I had many sessions with some of the young people, being around when there were projects like the youth drama. I did not know whether I have touched any lives then because I never asked but it really made my day when one of these youth told me I did.
Last year, it melted my heart to be accepted by the congregation to serve as an elder. The wonderful spirit in this congregation and her leadership has allowed for such a wandering and wondering soul like me to move around and grow. We receive one another despite our mistakes and flaws. We still can accept one another though we may have differences and not agree in all matters. Yes, you have made me enjoy loving and serving you.
Yes, we really need to focus on finding a place for each member in service and worship to God in the church. It may take years for a Christian to grow and continue to grow. We need to be given the time and opportunity to be trained in the ways of God in personal sharing, teaching, leadership and walk with God at our own time and pace.
My Exhortation For All Of You
I have shared with you that I have always looked to people around me as heroes in my life. But I have found heroes from the Bible too.
Last year, during the church camp, I shared my observations about church leadership as set forth in the Bible. For anyone who contemplates taking on the role of a leader, may I recommend you to consider these men of faith who are such inspiring leaders:David who, during the 15 years he spent fleeing from Saul, endured hardship and kept a close walk with God. Through these trials, God moulded David’s character and he went on to become what the Jews considered to be the greatest earthly king of Israel. To me, it is essential for a leader to develop inner strength through enduring hardships and by walking closely with God.
Let us consider Moses whose passion for God’s glory was the driving force of his service to God. More than once, Moses appealed to God on the basis of His name not being pulled to pieces by surrounding nations. A leader needs to be clear of the motivations behind what he is doing. It does not mean that he has to indulge in morbid introspection but it requires him to respond honestly to the convicting power of God’s Word and His Spirit.
The Apostle Paul, in the way he carried out his mission of bringing the Gospel to the Gentiles and the entire world, stands out as an example of one who was driven by the divine agenda yet effectively tailored the message to diverse audiences. A leader needs to be careful not to be caught up with his own schemes or agenda but to be a loyal steward who focuses on carrying out God’s plans in whatever situation he finds himself in.
Our Lord Jesus who endured hardship, remains true to God’s agenda and does all for the glory of God.My Vision For The Lord In My LifeJeremiah 33:3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
Honestly, I do not know where God will lead me. But, I am sure His will and His unfinished work will be fulfilled in our lives even if we choose not to play a part in their fulfillment.
At the top of my mind, I see opportunities in the foreigners joining our workforce and enrolling in our schools who may become citizens of our country. I would like to find ways to connect with these strangers in our land.
All in all, I see our preparation by God in whatever form or shape as leading us toward His purpose and mission. I want to be ready to answer His calling when He reveals to me great and unsearchable things.
My Dreams For PP In 2005
First, we have been blessed with transferred members, returning members and members from other congregations. These will boost our pool of great preachers and teachers.
Second, we have been blessed with many converted children from our families. We have overcome the challenge in converting our children to become our second generation Christians.
Third, we are able to keep some of the saved safe. We enjoy the small group dynamics in caring for one another. On top of that we have just recognized some five elders and six deacons to provide support and facilitation for the local congregation.
What then are our challenges in reaching out to our young brethren and seniors?
First, we need to take advantage of the diligent sowing of God’s word in bringing forth the talents of individuals from various groups - the young schooling adults, young working adults, young married couples, our Chinese nationals and other special groups. These individuals need to find a place in service and worship to God.
Second, how can we get our youths and schooling young adults, together with our Chinese nationals to reach out to the foreign students in their schools? Our prayer is for our students, both foreign and local, to find a common interest and time to spend with one another amidst their heavily loaded academic and extracurricular activities.
Third, we have to explore the use of the small group dynamics to integrate some if not all of our membership into the whole fabric of the church family.My pleading is for each one of us to be in an encouraging mood; be sensitive and gentle in including different ones in programmes that are being planned. One note of caution: please look upon programmes as a means to fostering new or renewing relationships. Mature Christians can be great encouragers to the younger ones at such events.
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