What My Faith MeansTo Me
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I have always believed, as an adult, that faith in God gives meaning and purpose to human life. My faith is my compass and beacon that has enabled and will continue to steer me through the storms of life. My faith allows me to grow from glory to glory into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). John 14:21 is not so much a favourite verse as it is a promise that I cling to. “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me; and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him” Jesus, who is the way, the truth and the life, has promised that He would disclose Himself in a personal way in ever-increasing fullness so long as I continue to walk obediently in His truth. So long as I abide in Christ, the power that works in me (the Holy Spirit) will enable me to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20). As I mature in Christ, who is full of grace and truth (John 1:14), I will reach out to share His grace and truth with others whom God sends my way so that our journey together will be an abundant one.
My Conversion Story
I was born on 4th July 1948 to illiterate immigrant parents from China who believed in a mixture of animism, Confucianism, Taoism and Buddhism and other Chinese as well as Malay superstitions. Kandang (cow-shed in Malay) was a village in Malacca where my parents worked as virtual slaves in a rubber plantation until their sea voyages from China were paid off. My father was focused on taking care of the sundry-shop, working unceasingly for long hours just to put food on the table. One of nine children, I remember a mother who was constantly with Buddhist prayer beads in hand, chanting mantras on a daily basis. Two daily rounds of joss-sticks were also burnt around the house. Malay bomohs were consulted when things were lost or when my Catholic sister was in a coma. My sister got out of her coma after Chinese mediums (tankis) from Penang studied in a cave in Thailand prior to their “battle” with a Malay evil “spirit”, a family “friend” who, as “predicted”, died a horrible death. I was given a female name because I would otherwise not survive. I was not allowed to see a chicken being slaughtered as that would be tempting fate. My upbringing certainly convinced me that there is a spirit world. It is unseen and it can manifest great evil without warning. Then if there is an evil spirit, there must be a good spirit – a spirit of love, care and concern. My parents love each other dearly. I remember as a teenager my father crying because my mother was late in coming home from a cap-ji-ki game. They had a tiff and she was deliberately late to make him suffer!
Taught in school by Irish Fransciscan “brothers”, I was persuaded to fear God and sin from a very young age. My mother told me a lot of moralistic stories all intended to ensure that I live a good life. I studied “catechism” under a French priest before being sprinkled as a catholic. I prayed a great deal of mechanistic “our fathers” and “hail maries” in my youth particularly when I suffered from cancer of the thyroid gland. I even kissed the reclining statue of “Jesus” that was laid out in the school chapel. I frequently stopped by the church on the way home from school, parked my bicycle and knelt when I entered the church and knelt when I left. Rituals were the main focus of my pre-conversion state.
When I got married to Doreen, I was stubborn about there being no discussion on matters of religion. We did not get married in a church but had our ROM moment and two wedding dinners – one in Singapore and the other in Malacca. For over a decade we did not engage each other regarding religion. It was only with my exposure to the Seventh Day Adventist in Coral Gables, Florida that I started to read the Bible for myself. Egged on by Doreen, I was open to take the lead from her and to listen to her explain the Bible to me. Janet and Keith Gant were the main catalysts to bring Doreen and I to the church of Christ. Doreen was baptized as a teenager but did not continue because of parental objection. God worked it out for good when Doreen’s mother was baptized at age 90.
As Chris and Nic grew and were able to understand things, it became even more urgent that we find a church family. It took another visit by the Gants before we came to the church building. Just prior to that we had already made up our mind to come to the Pasir Panjang church and chose to purchase a unit at the village condo as it was within walking distance from the church building. Our first visit to church was very pleasant – Lian Chye sat with me. Henry subsequently visited to talk about baptism and before long we were added to the church. I attended foundation class taught by lawyer Chew Soon and was at both morning and evening services on Sunday and even returned on Wednesday night.
What My Faith Has Done For Me
There was no dramatic transformation from evil to good but a slow process of incremental changes. In view of the many denominations, I took the view that religion was a private matter, between me and God and not for public debate. I would not argue against other contrary beliefs but rather let things be. What initially drove me was a fear of God; the dread of being taken away prematurely. I wanted to have a chance to live life, to try to succeed in life. When I realized that I was not going to die young, I tried to count the days by experiencing everything I could of life. I joined the literary and debating society, acted in school and at the university and threw myself into campus social life. I even smoked cigarettes for a period of time prior to, and in my first year in University. I resolved to travel the world and I did, experiencing some 50 countries worldwide. To get out of my shell, I went hitch-hiking throughout Malaysia, camped at beaches, and climbed mountains. I took on diverse roles in six different associations in Singapore, climbing to the top of all of them. I prayed for a top career position in the USA but did not get what I wanted. God knew better what was ahead for me.
Doreen and I prayed for years for a child – God answered some seven years later and gave us what we now consider the “perfect” family – a son and a daughter. As a youth, I struggled with a life-threatening illness. As a young adult, I struggled with a broken engagement which took me a couple of years to recover from. As a married man, I struggled with changes in my career directions. As a father, I struggled with caring for my children in terms of their health, studies and sporting activities. Going through Nic’s failed drug test result from Brunei was particularly painful because it followed very soon after the joy of her gold medal win. Rosie was a tower of strength for us and PP youths came out brilliantly for Nic. Kelvin’s drowning brought up a deep sense of guilt and helplessness. Henry’s strength and comforting presence shone through brightly in those dark days. All these struggles taught me the value of faith and the significance of the fellowship of the saints. I dare not contemplate what the consequences would be if I had no faith.
Discovering My Place In The Church
I feel God has always been merciful to me. I made it to “A” levels because a girl died from leukemia and I was next in line in the Malacca State’s waiting list. My parents were too poor to send me to university but my sister came through for me. I wanted to be a lawyer or a TV journalist but providence made me an executive, a management consultant, executive director, and a trainer. A civil servant would not be able to afford a master’s degree from England, but God sent me Doreen. A kampong boy could hardly start his own training consultancy but God sent me to the world to learn from the very best. Looking back I see God’s providence at work each stage of the way.
My foray into volunteer leadership helped me to truly get out of my introverted shell. I was active in the Stage Club, the NYLTI Alumni, and the Jaycees where I learnt public speaking and leadership skills. From being totally struck speechless because of stage fright at my first presentation, I found years later that I can actually enjoy speaking up in public. I realize now that God was preparing me for a role in His vineyard.
It was never easy. I turned down Charles Pang’s request to do a public prayer at a home zone fellowship because then I only knew “our father” and “hail mary”. I felt inadequate too when Henry asked me to take a place on the ROS but could not say no to him. I felt my being involved in leadership positions in voluntary associations was the preparation for me to take on roles in church. I felt it natural that I open up my house for leadership meetings because it was so close to the church building. Henry’s stewardship took me from making announcements, to Bible class, facilitating Wednesday night class, preaching a sermon now and again; and then more regularly. The process is clear, get in, get involved in a small area, and then another progressively more difficult area; slowly initially and then increasing in speed and intensity.
Meeting with leaders of the church on a regular basis over the years helped me to understand the “bigger picture” – to know the burdens of growing a loving church. The joy and pain of seeing Henry, Beng Chuan, Simon, Paul Quek, and others patiently serving the church could not but motivate me to want to be by their side, to lighten their load. A lesson I quickly learnt about leadership is: am I first an effective follower? Can I submit to leadership decisions and obey those who are responsible for my soul? Unless one gets involved and understands the positive as well as negative dynamics of shepherding, one’s suggestions are academic. I do not get my way in everything and when I don’t I do not pick up my marbles and go home. I am still a part of the team and I learnt and am still learning the discipline and joy of submission.Growth comes from learning and teaching God’s word. It also comes from being involved in and serving the body life of the church. Knowing Christ is an experiential not an academic exercise.
What Lives Have I Touched?
Whether it was in teaching Bible class, facilitating Wednesday night, sharing during Care Team meetings, preaching from the pulpit, facilitating annual church camps, retreats and advances, I can never be fully aware of the impact that I have made. I do my part in sowing and softening the ground and trust God to give the increase. In reaching out to Li Chhoan and his late wife, Jean, there were many moments when Doreen and I wondered whether our befriending would be sufficient for it to bear spiritual fruit. Even in the lives of our two children – Christopher and Nicolette – we wonder whether we have done enough. Doreen communicates much more with them than I. My role was to be physically and psychologically present for them as needed and I modelled the best I could Christ’s love for them. In the selection of a university for Chris, we purposed for him to attend Harding University and there was never any doubt about that decision; and we thank God that he is equally yoked with Sarah and that they will make good Christian parents. We do the best we can and allow the Holy Spirit and God to do the rest. I come into contact with numerous people because of the nature of my job. Through the decades of teambuilding, communication and leadership training seminars, I realize that when people get their perspective right, they will know what they need to do to change their life. I pray that the example I show them will make a positive difference. Recently Emily told me that a youth minister in PJ remembered me from the Awana camp. You will never know what fruit will come from the good words that you sow in the hearts and minds of people you meet. There is every opportunity for each and every one of us to shine the light and be the salt of the earth. The years of prayers have resulted in my sister-in-law Sandra and her husband Charles Chan, nephew Lloyd, mother-in-law Soh Sor Choo, sister-in-law Kim, being baptized into Christ.
My Heroes From The Bible
My heart goes out to those who struggled through adversities; like Joseph, David, Samson, Saul who became Paul, Simon Peter who was not hesitant to speak from his heart and who fumbled along the way, even denied Christ, but yet stayed faithful unto death for the cause of Christ. Joseph came from a shaky family tree whose father Jacob indulged in games of deceptions resulting in Joseph’s brothers being insanely jealous of him. Joseph was rejected by men but protected by God, whom he constantly turned to – whether in the pit, in jail, or in the palace. He was able to forget the past, make the best of the moment, and constantly seek God’s greater purpose. Paul schooled himself very well as a Hebrew, a Pharisee, and a Roman scholar and citizen. Yet, as a Christian he could look at all the sufferings that he endured and considered all his worldly experiences as “dung” in the light of gaining Christ. Above all, the hero of heroes will have to be Christ, whose earthly parents had to migrate in order to protect Him. He was tempted in the desert for 40 days but did not yield. He struggled in agony in the Garden of Gethsemene, prayed intensely, even sweated blood, but continued to submit to God’s will for His life.
My Vision For PP
PP has always been trying to find a balance between growth in numbers and growth in spiritual maturity. It has been five years since “Vision 2000”. The urgent work continues. Unity – abiding in Christ – growing in maturity – growing in giving – growing in the fruit of the Spirit - carrying out the great commission – bringing visitors - these are critical factors. I pray for each member to grow in thinking, praying, serving, giving and doing. Each member plays a role whether at home, at work, in the neighbourhood, in Care Team, or in the body life of the church. My vision is that you are constantly on the move, open to being transformed, giving of yourself to serve Christ, and growing in grace and truth. Discipline yourself, discipline your family, strengthen your Care Team; and then get out of your comfort zone to take on the world with the love of Christ. There are many within and outside the fold that are suffering spiritual needs – purpose to serve those needs in the best way you can.
Members are at varying levels of spiritual maturity and discipline. Though there is the core team ministry of leaders, the push has been for every member to be involved. Christ’s Plan A – the great commission – is to be carried out by every one of us. Christ has no Plan B. Every member is needed to help out, to contribute – not that it is an option, but it is as love commands. The work is plentiful. We need to steward every member to find a place and to work joyously and purposefully in His vineyard.
A Candid Look At PP In 2005
PP has now been Biblically structured with elders and deacons. It will take sometime for elders and deacons to connect with members and vice-versa. There will be issues of spiritual authority and submission. Meekness and submission have to be learnt on both sides - the sheep as well as the shepherd; males as well as females; mature Christians as well as babes-in-Christ. Many members are faithful – striving quietly to help out in various areas - providing breakfast for Sunday morning; snacks for Wednesday night and sharing meals with others; being present for every fellowship session; taking responsibility to teach one-on-one; inviting friends and relatives to church and Care Team; attending to visitors in an ever-so-friendly fashion; making hospital visits and praying earnestly. Parents are working hard to discipline their children though some are obviously overwhelmed by their numerous responsibilities. Some marital and family relationships and responsibilities have been allowed to fester and in need of urgent renewal and restoration. Some of us are taking excellent initiatives to reach out to the community. Other initiatives are difficult to sustain and can create a heavy burden on those who take over. A couple of initiatives have created tension and controversy. Through it all, we have to remain united. We are not all going to agree with every judgment, every opinion and every decision. We may express our differing views, oppositions, and negative emotions to family members, Care Team members, or even to strangers; but do connect, agreeably or disagreeably, with those who are responsible to care for your soul. Whatever our feelings and differences, know this: the church of Christ belongs to each and every one of us. Whatever we do, we are commanded by love to build each other up. Each has the responsibility to preserve and safeguard the body’s integrity and unity. Every part of the body must be alive, functioning, growing, and contributing. If anything is not working in your life, be open to be changed and to make every thought captive to the mind of Christ. See where God is leading you and obey. Remember, you will have to answer to God on judgment day.
Faith has to move from inherited to owned. An unowned faith is not a mature faith. Maturity in Christ is not a question of quantum of knowledge, nor of seniority of years; nor of sufficiency of academic education; nor of richness of possessions and incomes; nor of intensity of activity and contributions, nor of quantity of doctrinal errors spotted; nor of correctness of personal persuasion. Maturity is a result of obedience, submission and surrender to the will of God. Cup-cleaning (Matthew 23:25-25) is inadequate. Cleansing the defilement-from-within (Mark 7:20-23) is the constant battle that adulthood demands.
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